changes

things are changing at a rapid speed. it feels as though i'm losing control of where my life is going and who i am to become.
i don't know who to trust and who to rely on. and even more stinging, i don't know what i believe anymore.

i'm just really confused-
in my faith,
who are my friends,
who i am,
and what i am here on earth to do.

as always, peace and love,
-b

cs lewis

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you
I've never had a selfless thought since I was born
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through
I want God, you, all friends merely to serve my turn

Peace, reassurance, pleasure are the goals I seek
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin
I talk of love, a scholar's parrot may talk greek
but, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin

Only that now you have taught me, but how late my lack,
I see the chasm and everything you are was making my heart into a bridge,
by which I might get back from exile and grow man...
and now the bridge is breaking

For this I bless you as the ruin falls
the pains you give me are more precious than all other gains.

all i want

all i want from you is to be true,
not to me, but to your heart.
but they say you do what you need to be filled,
with all those meaningless nights.

all i want for you is to be free,
to discover who you really are.
but you do what you need to be happy,
and i have done the same.

all i want from this season is to find my heart,
i've gone blind to what means the most to me.
but things will never change,
and i will continue until i have a better reason.

p & l,
-b

falling down

Jesus Christ, have mercy on us.

that night

that night i met you, i'll never forget your smile.
you introduced yourself,
but you had me at 'hello.'

that night at my house, i'll never forget that kiss.
it was the New Year,
and you tasted like Champagne and Spinach Dip.

that night at your house, i'll never forget your touch.
it was like each time your hands touch mine,
i was able to see your soul.

that night at the hookah bar, i'll never forget your goodbye.
you kissed me short and sweet,
it made me feel like i was Loved.

I'll never forget that night, when I felt like I was someone.
And even though those nights were so great,
i just wish i could forget them.

peace and love, always,
-b

giving up

i think i could give up trying,
except i wouldn't know what to do next.

fuck this.
-b

here's to the new year

you don't know me,
but maybe that's not so bad,
because i seem to discover
on a daily basis,
that i even don't know me.

it's sad
because each kiss
is forming who i think i am.
but that girl i'm becoming
is not me.

i want to say 'i like you'
but i can't decide
if that's the truth,
or the girl that's not me,
lying to me.

the truth is:
i crave your attention.
yeah, it may make me someone
who i am not,

but at least it makes me someone.

p & l,
-b