Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You.
(the drive from Raleigh to Nashville)
The Lord is teaching me how to trust Him. And it's the most painful but stretching thing I've ever felt. It's SO good. I've been reading a lot of Thomas Merton, specifically his book, No Man Is An Island. It's strange how the Father works in our lives. Interestingly enough, as I wade through this book, each chapter I am on COMPLETELY applies to my life and my walk with the Lord. As I came onto this weekend, I got to the Word of the Cross chapter, aka Suffering. I have been longing for some time now to deepen my love for Christ and to feel His presence in my everyday walk as He is. I began reading on suffering and came to this:
"To believe in suffering is pride: but to suffer, believing in God, is humility. For pride may tell us that we are strong enough to suffer, that suffering is for for us because we are good. Humility tells us that suffering is an evil which we must always expect to find in our lives because of the evil that is within ourselves. But faith also knows that the mercy of God is given to those who seek Him in suffering, and that by His grace we can overcome evil with good. Suffering, then, becomes good by accident, by the good that enables us to receive more abundantly from the mercy of God. It does not make us good by itself, but it enables us to make ourselves better than we are. Thus, what we consecrate to God in suffering is not our suffering but our selves."
HOLY CRAP! I am speechless. I have grown the past 48 hours more than I have in months, all thanks to the grace of God! My own darkness and failures shoved me into suffering, but His mercy has been lavished upon me! He longs for me (and you, and everyone) to learn how to GIVE those meaningless things to Him! He wants us to take refuge in Him! His arms are so safe and loving, and we constantly fail to realize it. How pitiful and dumb we are, but He has called us to be so much more!! Praise be to Him!
I woke up this morning and was once again reminded of Psalm 143:8. I love this verse because it speaks so much into my life right now. I long to be reminded of His unfailing love. It's always been there. But when I am reminded of it, I am reminded of who I am and why I have been made and what I am called to do.
It may sound like I am just rambling on and on. Truth is, my mind is so cluttered from this weekend's events that I've forgotten how to construct a sentence, or at least it feels that way.
A life filled with continual prayer. That's all that I long for at the moment. I have God, the only thing I need, and just an open communication with Him is what I truly desire for myself, and for you as well.
Grace and Peace,
-b
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