end

i'm at the end of my string, and i just found out it's the beginning again. this cycle is a sick circle, and i want out! but, i thought i already told You that. someone I knew once told me You got people out of those circles. i somehow believed that just by calling on Your name, i would be lifted into some sort of ever-ascending plain, in which there was no beginning or end. but, i've discovered my end, and it's right back where i started. maybe it's where i belong.

i keep pulling teeth and loving as hard as i can, but it always seem to get messed up in the process. i just want to be right; to love right. i want to know the right people, and get the right job. i want to date the right guy, and feel the right love. i want to praise the right God. i want to be passionate about the right things. i want everyone to know the right me. however, these words just keep coming out and i just keep writing them down, but they don't ever show the true me.

i'm so sick of myself.

-b